2002-04-15 - 10:17 p.m.

Tormented... What Else is New?

I had a crappy day. It's another one of those days that I won't forget for a long time. I really hate these days... They screw me up emotionally for a while, socially for a little less of time. I might be kind of down for a long time... Please bare with me...

My mom had to go into the hospital early this morning to get the surgery done, so I was alone a good portion of the morning. I made it out to the bus on time and everything. It seemed as if things were looking up for me for once. Damn first impressions...

Well, I took off my favorite bracelet (it was $12 too) so I could do my lab in Bio 2nd period. We had to take our pulse doing stuff, and it was in the way. Lauren (crazy girl) started hiting me in the head with it. We had little time to do this lab, and I ran out of it. Because I was in a hurry, I left the bracelet AND my special Bad Kitty sweatshirt where I had been working. I run back, grab the sweatshirt, get a pass, then go to band... still leaving the bracelet behind. How dumb WAS I?

I realized the bracelet wasn't on at band, and got a pass to get it at Global (4th period). Unfortunately, by the time I got to the room, it was gone... someone had already taken it...

My Lunch period was next. I was hungry, with a little lunch. One of the girls who I hang out with during 5th period lunch had brought in yummy cupcakes. She had tons of them. I asked her if I could have one. She replied...: "Sorry, I only got them for specific people... you're not one of them... too bad.", all with a smile on here face. Then right afterwards, she gave them out to the other people... She had some left, but threw them out...

I was so hurt by this, I just quietly did my math homework the rest of the period, far away from THEM. I'm not going to hang out with them anymore. They're not worth this pain...

Speaking of pain, today must've been "National Pick-on-Lisa-Bonanni Day". EVERYONE tortured and teased me today. I know this is redundant, but this was also a very very sad realization for me: Things really haven't changed since 8th grade... I'm still getting treated like crap, ignored when I'm not, having good-for-nothing friends... A girl pushed my face into my locker today for godssakes!!! I am so hurt and broken, and I feel so unloved and lonely...

In Gym 6th period, I had to run the mile. I had the fastest time in my block (9th grade), 6:26, even though I really didn't try too hard. Coach Sommer told me I'd have to run a long distance run in the nasty heat today, so i took it somewhat easy.

All those somewhat good vibes died with 10 minutes. I almost lost the ring Landa gave me for my birthday...

SOmehow, it didn't make it from my locker to my hand, a rarity for me. That ring is almost sewn onto me! I realized this when I got to my 7th period class, then retraced my steps. Luckily, no one took it... It was still sitting at the corner of the top space of my locker, waiting to be worn and loved. That was scary...

It must've been over 80 degrees by the time I went outside for track. I was the only girl distance runner there, making Sommer decided to postpone that huge run. Instead, we ran with the sprinters. It was a decent workout, in the heat anyway. I wasn't used to running 100 meters and 200 meters. We had to do relays of those distances... God, i felt like I was melting!

My Cross Country and WInter Track coach, Crucilla, didn't care for my 6:26. He said, "You could've done much better... What happened?" That hurt a lot... He knew about the knee and elbow wounds I have, and all the other cuts and abrasions all over my body. They STILL hurt like hell... Owie...

A good thing happened at the end of track though. Vinny, the hottest and most atheletic guy on the track team,a nd I talked a lot today. We talked about running, gymnastics, our coaches... normal stuff. He tried performing flips for me, laughing and smiling. He has flawless tan skin, a six-pack and nice biceps, and wonderful smile, deep eyes... But here's the big part. Vinny is not the average "hottie". He also has a sweet personality. He holds doors open for others, during practices, he asks everyone if they are alright, he helps out others, he's an optimist... When I went to go towards the Girl's Locker Room, he let me go ahead of him. Also, towards the end of our conversation, I told him that "he rocks", and he replied "well, you do too!" I was like aww... thanx! He then replied: "No problem. I like you, you're cool." That made me smile... for 20 minutes non-stop, hehehehe. Things like that really cheer me up when I am down.

I went straight to the computer when I got home to talk to Landa, and get some comfort. She gave me plenty... That's my big sister, hehe. I *hugged* and *snuggled* and *cuddled* like crazy... I know that Landa loves me and cares about me. She's a true friend and is always there for me...

Sarah called, too. She helped out some. She's gonna bring a cookie for me tomorrow! At least I know for a fact that my two best friends care about me...

Well, I must go. I have free period tomorrow. I might type out a poem I'll write down soon...

More stuff DID happen, but I really need some sleep, even though I DID take a nap. Till tomorrow.

blown ashes - still scatter

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