2002-04-18 - 10:58 p.m.

Reflecting on Yesterday... and I'm Away Till Sunday

Tomorrow, I am leaving for my overnight track meet trip thing. I've been on them before... and they've almost always been HELL. I really wantED to go, but after what happened yesterday...

Due to packing/ getting ready for the trip, I can't really write tonight. I won't be here AT ALL Friday, and I'm coming home really late Saturday night. Yes, this means no entries until Sunday... Sorry everyone, but I have a life outside Diaryland, heh. What else would I be writing about?

My day would take way too long to write about, so I'm going to write about the end of it. It relates to what happened yesterday.

I talked to Landa as much as I possibly could... which was for a total of like 30 minutes... I was so busy packing, eating dinner (long story)... It was all a mess.

But I had problems saying "bye" to her tonight. It was so much harder for me tonight... Remembering how I almosy got killed yesterday, I didn't want to go on the trip anymore... One of us could die at any second... What if we don't get to see each other again??? What if a van comes again, but this time, it DOES hit me? What if something happens to Landa? I know, this is all a whole bunch of "What if"'s, but think about it. My life was a fraction of a second from ending yesterday. this could happen to ANYONE... to me, to Landa, to my mother, to my brother...

Thinking about this made me get really really terrified... I *hugged* Landa so much... It's even less conforting knowing how lonely these things get. luckily, my friend Anne is going, but still... I was crying again (which I;ve been doing a lot of lately) too. Flashbacks of my brush with death kept repeating in my mind. Later on, they turned into nightmare-ish visions of me getting hit by that van, becoming bloody... crumpled... decapitated... DEAD. GOD, WHY WON'T THEY STOP?! These flashbacks an nightmares won't leave me... They won't leave AT ALL... God, what should I do??

After I signed off of Yahoo and finished my long "good-bye" with Landa, I watched some MTV2 (we JUST got the channel for some reason). A song I've never heard before was on, by a band I've never seen before. The song was great; I loved it all. The lyrics reminded me of Landa and I...like how we're always there for each other. I stuck around till the end (before I'd hop into the shower) to see whot his band was and what the name of the song was. Ironically enough, it was Caught in the Sun by Courses of Nature... the song Landa's been telling me all about the past month or so... saying how it's one of her favorite songs and how it reminds her of us all the time...

I must go sleep now. God, I don't know what to pack and not to pack in terms of clothes... It's supposed to be cooler upstate (NY; where I'm going), but I can't be too careful. I DO have to run outside...

Till Sunday everyone. Then I'll write all about what happened today and at the track meet. Hopefully nothing will happen to me... I pray that nothing will...

blown ashes - still scatter

*Best viewed FULL SCREEN!*