2005-07-14 - 3:00 p.m.

Princess Samsa

Finally, I updated this thing. I'm happy that the past three months are over, and am looking forward to the next two ending. I just can't wait to get the hell out of this town and go to college. I'm going to SUNY Geneseo, a college full of people like me, where I can make new friends and start a brand new life. I can't wait for this "new beginning."

My mother had surgery done on the herniated discs in her neck so I'll be here more often than usual. Thus, I'll update this poetry journal on all of my "poetic escapades". I wrote a LOT last month, especially after Prom. My date got a girlfriend two weeks prior to it and, thus, got all weird around me. He didn't want to slow dance or be close to me, even for the last dance. Luckily, I'm past all this crap and have moved on.

This is the poem I wrote based on those Prom events. We had just read The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka, which I truly enjoyed, and related my situation with that of Gregor, the main character. let's just say he woke up one morning and found himself a vermin... I believe this poem is my best and the closest to my heart. I was able to capture the EXACT emotions I had felt through allusion. Yayness.

Princess Samsa

I woke up today to find myself a princess,
Covered in a flowing periwinkle dress,
A silver tiara perched upon my head,
Silver nails and shoes and eyes, lips red.

Put in the hands of a close friend,
Please let this night never end
I am so beautiful, I am so beautiful
For once I cannot offend you.

My teeth are pearls I show to you
Pin-on roses tipped in blue.
I float over the ground for the first time
This moment will always be mine.

Put in the hands of a close friend,
I want this night to never end
I am so perfect, I am so perfect
For once I will not offend you.

At the height of the night
Our final dance under low light
You take my hand as you had all day
But instead you look away, look away,
And when you see me, you push me away
You shove me away, shove me away from you,
Your rose trampled, bleeding blue…

I fall standing up.
Fall below you, down beneath you,
A wretch disguised as an angel.
How could I hide my ugly shell
And the long horns upon my head?
My lips are dripping beads of red.

Put in the hands of a close friend,
I wish this night would finally end
I am not beautiful, I am not beautiful
Somehow I still offend you.

The lights turn on and then you see me,
Lying crushed in deep misery.
Beneath you I gaze up tearfully,
Then scuttle away from you fearfully.

But you follow my trail of sorrow,
Sticking to your ebony shoes.
I think you wish to offer truce
Or some hope for tomorrow.

I reach out a now-wicked hand
To where you stare at me and stand,
Reach closer to hear what youre to say
Since you stopped pushing me away.

A flash of red! A flash of red
Flies over my lowered head!
You throw without any empathy
Apples youve been hiding from me.
Scared to death, frozen in fear,
I cannot move away from here
They thrust themselves inside my flesh--
My face, my hands, my arms, my chest...

Put in the hands of a close friend,
I know this night will never end.
I am not perfect, I am not perfect
I know now that I offend you.

The knowledge penetrates my shell
Doesnt ask to be let in
I remain right there where I fell
With apples bursting through my skin,
Flatter than paper, dead as a doornail,
The princess of all vermin.

c) Lisa Bonanni 6/12/05

blown ashes - still scatter

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