2005-07-22 - 11:30 a.m.

Leading Lady

Damn, I can't stop writing.

I'm going to have plently of stuff to post on here in the next weeks. I've had a lot on my mind and it's coming out as poetry since I haven't had anyone around to help me. Today is my first day off since the 16th and I'm doing NOTHING. I'm constantly criticized for not being social and not being fun, but whenever I want to do something, there is nobody around. And when they want to do something, they don't see if I'm working or not.

This pretty much translates that until I leave this shitty place, I'm stuck on my own, with the exception of perhaps running with a friend. Which is awesome though, I must admit.

I just wish I could go to Splish Splash, the movies, Sports Plus, the beach...do all this stuff with friends. My mother cannot drive until after I go away to Geneseo and money in the family is too tight to do any sort of fun thing, so the only way I can do anything this summer that doesn't involve a computer is with a friend.

Well, here's a poem I started a couple weeks ago and finished Tuesday. It describes how I feel regarding one of my friends, how he has a girlfriend now and it seems like there's no point in my existence in his life anymore.

Leading Lady

You have a leading lady in your life now
No use caring about supporting roles.
Center stage, she holds onto your eyes
You will never see my last goodbyes.

For years I stood beneath you,
A stable platform you could walk on,
Answering ambitions with a nodding head
What would you do when I was gone?
Well, I see her holding you,
Her wings beating at the air.
You stay standing onto space
Even though I am not there.

You float there calling me a liar
With your eyes made of sapphire
While her wings flap without tire
I throw myself into the fire.

You have a leading lady in your life now
No use caring about supporting roles.
Center stage, she holds onto your eyes
You will never see my last goodbyes.

People are naturally attracted
To objects of perfect symmetry
I am uneven except through verses
No wonder you always saw past me
To the circular halo o’er her head
Her lips a solid shade of red
A movie star that shines so bright
You gravitate toward her great light.

Her hands are immortalized
In stone within your memory.
The footprints that I left behind
Are blown away to infinity,
Spread out asymmetrically
By the beating of her wings.

You float there calling me a liar
With your eyes made of sapphire
While her wings flap without tire
I am held up on a wire.
She then ascends even higher
Perhaps I really am a liar
Before my wire can expire
I throw myself into the fire...

You have a leading lady in your life now
No use caring about supporting roles.
Center stage, she holds onto your eyes
You will never see my last goodbyes.

"I’d like to thank you,
But I don’t know you…"

c)Lisa Bonanni 7/19/05

blown ashes - still scatter

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