2005-07-20 - 11:18 a.m.

Death of an Optimist

I finished up a poem yesterday, as well as writing a new one. This is the brand new one.

Recently, my optimism has gone down the tubes. It is hard for me to be enthusiastic about things now since so much crap has been happening. I'm feeling the loneliest I have ever felt, at least in the past six years. I'm starting to wonder if I'm just meant to be alone forever, never meeting someone new who'll care about me as my boyfriends had in the past.

Thus, I wrote this poem. I cite pains, have optimisim come in, then I destroy it. The end. I'll be posting the other poem later.

Death of an optimist

So this is how it feels
To lose everything I care about:

A home built upon broken dreams
A heart that is no longer whole
A brain that can’t stop thinking, thinking
A mind gone crazy from abuse
Legs grown tired from overuse
Arms grown weak from tryin’ to fly
Eyes turned red from lonely nights
Fingers blackened from writing words
An empty wallet, an empty soul,
A face turned blank by it all.

Well, I can get some wood
I can get some stitches
I can get some answers
I can get some rest
I can get some ice
I can get some weights
I can get some tissues
I can get some soap,
Reliable income,
I can get a good mask.

But nothing can fill my soul
So there is no point to it all.

So this is how I care
To lose everything I feel about…

c)Lisa Bonanni 7/19/05

blown ashes - still scatter

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