2002-04-17 - 10:48 p.m.

The Closest I've Been to Death in my Lifetime...

What you're about to read will probably scare you. You have been warned.

Today had been a normal day, except of course for the 95 degree weather. School droned on, yada yada yada, unimportant crap. Then track came around.

We were going to have to run the 3 andf a half mile course backwards, ending at the 7-11 across from the road leading back to school. We'd only have to run 3 miles... but still, that's a lot on a day as hot as this.

Towards the end of the run, I ended up getting separated from the guys. A traffic light turned green, making me screwed for 5 minutes, waiting to cross the road. Soon, I could, and I was on my way to the scariest event in my lifetime.

I was almost at 7-11. All I had to do was cross this normally tranquil, thin road in between Taco Bell and 7-11. The light on my side had just turned yellow, and the turning lights were still red. I saw no cars moving in sight, so I ran across the road....

...and almost got hit by a van....

I didn't see it coming. It made a right hand turn almost right into me. I saw it right before it would've hit me, moving back right before it would've creamed into me, killing me... The jerk didn't even bother stopping... The van was about an inch away from me... It was so close... so so so close... My life flashed before my eyes: Sarah and I as little kids, Elementary School, Middle School, Landa... all in a split second.

After that, I went into shock, screaming and crying. I couldn't restrain myself. There was a school bus full of kids behind me, who saw the whole thing. I heard "wows", "holy crows", and "oh my gods" come out of the open windows, the kids looking on at me, mouths gaping wide open... No cars went when the green light came on, for I guess they all saw what tragedy had almost occured... Realizing I had been standing there a while in the road, I finished crossing and ran inside, screaming "I ALMOST GOT KILLED BY A VAN!" to everyone, bursting into more hysterical crying.

My life will never be the same... This life I have... full of poetry, music, sports, friendship, family, love... It all almost ended today... I fI hadn't moved back before that van hurtled towards me... God... What would've happened...?

I am still extremely traumatized. It keeps on flashing before my eyes... running... crossing street... van comes... steps back... van almost hits me... IT ALL KEEPS FLASHING BACK DAMMIT! My coaches all tried to make me feel better. My friends on track let me hug them and told me comforting things. I will not take life for granted anymore... I can't. After what happened today???? Why the heck would I want to end this life?? I'm enever going to think about suicide the way I used to. I'm never going to wish death upon anyone... not even my enemies, myself as well. I'm going to try and become more social, more lively... Not overly-perky, just happier. Now that I've seen exactly how easily and unexpectedly my life can be taken away from me, I will try to live it to the fullest...

All my friends out there reading this... Thank you so much for always caring about me and loving me... I'll neever forget the kindness and support you gave me... I love you all, and I promise, no matter what happens to me, I'll never forget you all...

See how easy life can be taken from you...? This is why we all must live our lives like it's our last day on earth... cause as you can see, it was almost mine...

I need rest... some sleep... lots of sleep... I probably won't get much after all this happening... God, those images keep flashing back OVER and OVER again... I'll try to write more 1st period tomorrow morning. If I can't, I'll write when I get home... HOME. That word won't ever mean the same to me ever again either...

blown ashes - still scatter

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